Naming your child is one of the most important first steps in parenting – and these trends, or rather, blunders are important to consider – and avoid – when naming your legacy! This name will dictate what nickname your child will be given by classmates, therefore, dictating how much he/she might resent you someday!
My husband and I were so set on a girl’s name – and still know what we’d pick should we ever have a girl. Our boy name wasn’t so set in stone. For my husband, the instant I muttered Cohen, he was hooked, from our previous choice of Wyatt. I, however, felt that I was abandoning Wyatt, the name we had liked for what seemed like forever. So even though Cohen was a name I suggested, I just could not commit whatsoever. It took being in the hospital, having the nurses prep for his delivery for me to finally say out loud, that yes, our son’s name would indeed be Cohen. I had my reasons for being nervous about his name, and while those reasons are still there, I cannot picture him being called by any other name, and I suppose that’s what counts.
Below are some ways that I can guarantee your child will have one heck of a time with his/her name, and probably also blame you for years and years in therapy!
1. Pick a perfectly normal name and then alter the spelling – for instance, my name, Madison, spelled so obviously, which is fine; however, I now know many younger kids by Maddyson, Madisyn. The same goes for Britni, Mykal, you get the point. Why make your kid spend his/her life correcting and explaining how to spell said name.
2. Spell a word backward to make a name – Nevaeh (heaven spelled backward) is the best example of this – and drives me pretty crazy. I don’t get the trend, I guess.
3. Pick something so crazy, for no reason at all – Marishoula or something just as ridiculous makes no sense and is unnecessary.
4. Don’t consider the combined name – the best example I found of this is Dixie Normas. Just say it out loud. Ok.
5. Give your kid a stripper name – unless, of course, you’re perfectly ok with Candy Kane taking that career path.
6. Name your child after a product – for instance, Nivea, or I guess Sally Hansen, too.
7. Give your twins matching names – Cohen and Owen, Richie and Rikki, Marcia and Marshall. Too matchy matchy can be so confusing for parents, friends, etc.
8. Name your child after a drug – Ecstasy, Opium, anyone?
9. Take inspiration from the wrong places – one example being the movies. While Star Wars is a classic, the name Darth is better left to that character.
10. Take inspiration from celebs – names such as Sage Moonblood, Audio Science and Pilot Inspektor are better left to the celebrity parents as those kids really have no shot at a totally normal life anyway.